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Men Talk About Hypospadias
If you'd like to contact other men with hypospadias or submit your story, email: submisisons "at" hypospadias-emotions.com (remove the spaces and replace "at" with @ to use the email address).
The text below is transcribed from The Hypospadias Association Forums. You can see this site here: http://www.heainfo.org
The original questions were: What does your penis look like with hypospadias? And should one have an operation or not, either for oneself or for one's son?
For many years I thought I was the only one with this condition - in spite of reading that it is supposedly very common. I am single, gay, and yes, my penis is small and curves downward....and yes I hate it....but I guess after all these years I have learned to live with it. I would like to know if anyone has had surgeries as an adult after having had it "corrected" as a small child?
Responses to 1:
I never had it corrected, as it isn't so bad - the opening is a long slit emerging at the junction of the glans/coronal ridge and going all along the underside of the glans, although the skin covering the urethra is tissue-paper thin for half an inch or so back along the shaft. Lately the length of the slit has extended and my piss is now spraying around a bit when I pee. But the biggest problem for me is that my soft cock is twisted through ninety degrees between base and tip. It does straighten out when erect, although even then the head is rotated about 15 degrees to the shaft. And I have the classic hooded foreskin which covers only the top half of the glans.
I never had mine repaired either, though I have considered it many times. I also have the hooded foreskin, the open groove along the underside of the glans, the spraying urine... My penis curves downwards, but there is no 'twist' to it. It just curves like the letter "C". I've decided that I'm never going to get it repaired. I don't have too many problems now, and I don't want to risk nerve damage or complete sexual dysfunction if the surgeon makes a mistake.
My penis is hypospadic, and it was an enormous source of embarrassment growing up. I also had to undergo an attempt to repair it at age 6 which did not work. Mine, however makes a perfect "Prince Albert" so I can wear a ring through it and guys think I had it pierced! I also learned that the opening is very sensitive so I can masturbate just by rubbing the hole. Except for having to be careful when I piss at a urinal, I've come to not mind it at all anymore. I'm more annoyed at being circumcised than with having the hypospadias now, but then mine is not so bad. I have a friend with it, too, and he doesn't have a normal urethral meatus, but pees out of the underside of his dick which is more inconvenient.
I am a 42 year old with hypospadias. I had numerous surgeries to repair my penis as a child. The end result is less than desirable. My penis is only about 3.75" when erect, about 4.5" in circumference and it is bowed when hard. I always thought I was the only one in the world with this problem. It is good to know that there are others who know something of what I've gone through. I also only have my left testicle. I lost the right one as a teen due to an infection. [This seems to be a common problem with men who have a urethral opening far back down the penile shaft.]
I have appreciated reading others' experiences. I now realize that in spite of my problem, I have much to be grateful for, as things could always be worse. I can pee standing up...have intercourse....look fairly normal...5 1/2 inches erect (doesn't seem so small after reading some personal accounts).
After three surgeries the urethral opening was a horizontal slit right at the coronal ridge (bottom side). After that surgery I was told that there could not be any improvement over what they had done and I should come to accept it. Eight years later when visiting a urologist for another condition, I was told that the opening could be moved to the tip of the penis. My glans is somewhat flattened with the "correct" slit somewhat toward the bottom side of the penis. The fourth surgery to move the urethra to the tip was a total failure and left me in worse shape due to losing valuable skin and scarring of the glans. Eight months later I saw a pediatric urologist with extensive hypospadias surgery experience. He said the previous surgery had left me in bad shape but he thought it could be repaired; perhaps even improved. That surgery had a satisfactory result. That was my last surgery.
I now have a vertical slit for a urethral opening at the correct position. The opening is tight (stricture), but acceptable. He also removed much of the scarring from previous surgeries. My penis looks normal, but it's not difficult to tell that it has had some work done. I do have to contend with some hair follicles high up the shaft and tight skin, but should consider myself fortunate. My suggestion would be to consider the risks and get all the facts. No surgery is guaranteed. Don't be afraid to ask questions and get references from other patients. Do not allow yourself to be "practice" for some hot shot who has read a few cool articles in the medical journals. That was my mistake in the fourth surgery. That surgeon had NO business doing that surgery because he did not have the know-how or experience. Luckily, afterwards, I found a surgeon who did. Also, be willing to travel if that's what it takes to see a competent specialist. The inconvenience and expense are trivial compared to the emotional and physical pain suffered from a botched surgery. Whether you still had any foreskin or not would probably be an important factor in whether further corrective surgery could be done.
One more thing: If you have not had reconstructive surgery, it is at least worth considering. Yes, there are risks and the pain is beyond description, but the potential benefits both physically and emotionally are tremendous. I've lived life on both sides and would NEVER choose what I had over what I have now.
I had surgery when I was no more than two years old, and don't even remember it. My mom told me later that my penis was crooked from birth. The best way I can describe it is that my penis is pretty much straight now, but like all of you, my opening is further down my shaft. The "normal place opening" LOOKS like it's there, but...it's totally blocked. The hole I pee out of is the one further down the shaft. So like most of you, my penis looks very scarred. And my penis is only about three inches long when not erect, and about five inches when erect. I have an occasional "double stream of pee". I find that in public bathrooms, I can use a urinal, but because of the size of my penis, when at home, I normally sit down to pee, because I have a double stream and so have to be especially concerned with aim.
I am 45 and was born with moderate hypospadias. I have not had surgery and was told that since I could pee standing, have sex normally and father children, that surgery may cause more problems than it would fix, even though I would really like to have a "normal" looking penis. So I didn't ever have surgery. My opening is about one and a half inches on the underside of the shaft. If yours works fine you might want to think carefully before risking surgery. I was told you could lose some filling and some length. I decided mine worked well enough as it was. I am getting ready to have the hood of foreskin removed in two weeks. The hood doesn't allow the head to be uncovered during sex; when I was younger that didn't seem to cause a problem. But as I have gotten older it seems to take longer to get enough stimulation to reach orgasm. By having the foreskin hood removed the head will be stimulated more.
Response to comment 4 (see also 8 below):
I had my hood removed too. I did it 8 years ago. I regret doing it. From what I understand, having foreskin actually feels better sexually, than NOT having foreskin. I know that for a fact because I once had the foreskin hood as an adult and now I don't have it and believe me, the sensation is not the same! So now I'm in the process of foreskin restoration and it seems to be coming along well. I'm experienced with having the hood removed and I would advise you NOT to have it done. Besides, the surgery leaves horrible scars around the penis.
I have had two surgeries when I was younger, about twenty years ago. The result was that my penis became straighter and the opening was advanced about an inch from where it was formerly when it is erect. The opening is just under the head but the tube from the real urethra to the opening is just two layers of skin thin in stark contrast to the real urethra, on the rest of my penis, which is quite robust like a thick pipe. Also a scar on my pubis above the penis remains where they put a tube to drain urine while my penis was healing. Maybe the surgery freed up some length because it is quite long and relatively straight however it still does not look right. It works well in intercourse, some women even like the wide head which is due to the hypospadias. I was able to sire children so no problem also with that. However sometimes I wish that I could be "one of the boys" and have a good looking penis. I have given up on that and will live with what I have.
As for anyone considering surgery I think you should evaluate yourself on two aspects:
1 Physical. If you only have mild hypospadias how much improvement will make you happy? Does the doctor say that it is attainable? What if it fails - what will you end up with?
2 Psychological. In hindsight I think my hypospadias ruled me. Does having hypospadias prevent you from having relationships and sex? Is the condition troubling you? This could be comparable to someone who has a crooked nose pondering on having surgery. Others would not even think of touching their nose even if their nose is very crooked, while someone who is less deformed could be bothered no end by the condition. Hypospadias is partly a physical problem and mostly a psychological problem. See a good urologist/plastic surgeon and also a psychologist before deciding anything.
[Editor's note: the thin skin over the urethra referred to above is symptomatic of the failure of development of one of the the three erectile chambers of the penis: to be exact, the one which lies on the underside of the penis and normally surrounds the urethra. I think therefore that the thick pipe which is referred to above is probably actually the erectile chamber of the penis.]
I had corrective surgery when I was about 5 years old. I am 37 now and have had a relatively uneventful psychosocial development concerning my genitalia. To be honest, my parents have never told me about my condition. I have very early memories of having the surgery and the subsequent dressing changes carried out by my parents and grandparents, and lived the next 33 years of my life completely in the dark about hypospadias. All I knew was that my penis looked different because of some surgical scarring, and that the urethral opening at the tip of my penis looks like a slit (about 1/2cm long) instead of a round hole.
Concerning my size, I am about 1.5" flaccid, and about 4" erect. While I have always felt some apprehension about this (and NEVER went into a shower room until I was into my Who-The-Hell-Is-Looking stage of about 30 years of age), I can tell you that my sexual activity is probably above average and I am able to ejaculate as well as the next guy.....So I've had it pretty lucky. I guess I should be happy I never was the wiser - I just assumed it was part of my unique nature. I've never ever had a sexual partner say the first thing about my penis even though it looks different.
I first became aware that my penis was different when I was in the third grade. My friend Jimmy and I were standing at the urinal when he gleefully pointed out "your dick is funny looking - your hole is in the wrong place!" He then ran out of the restroom and announced it to several of my classmates. Of course I was devastated. From then on, I would rather pee my pants than use the toilet at school. It would be more than 15 years before I would use a public urinal again. My frequent pants-wetting led to a trip to the doctor. In the parking lot outside the doctors office, my mother explained to me that I had a problem, but that it was minor. She had been advised against surgical correction when I was an infant. Growing up with a "deformed" dick did a number on me. I was bone-skinny until the fourth grade but soon ballooned out when I learned I wasn't "normal". I refused to participate in sports during high school for fear of using the public showers. I shied away from anything that might lead to intimacy or sex. I still believe having hypospadias - and knowing it - contributed to me being gay.
At age 19 - and still a virgin - I decided to do something about it. The local (small town) urologist at first acted like it was "no big deal" and would be easy to fix. He hinted that he was more concerned with me being able to urinate without spraying than with the cosmetic appearance. I told him the cosmetic appearance was THE most important thing to me, but he didn't seem to listen. A few weeks later, I underwent the "MAGPI" procedure for repair of coronal hypospadias. The mouth-like opening of the urethra is released then pulled up to amore normal position. I didn't care for this procedure because I believed it would worsen the curvature (chordee). To counteract this, the surgeon inserted three sutures under the skin along the top of my penis to try to correct the curve. The whole thing really wasn't very painful (physically).
Unfortunately, 2 days after surgery I got a raging hard-on. First one then all three of the sutures on the top "popped"! I frantically tried to coax my boner down - almost funny now that I look back. The next day was worse. I got another erection and all of the remaining sutures broke. The urethral opening collapsed back to its former location. Again, it didn't hurt as much as you would think, but I was back to square one. Only now I had some ugly scars on the underside of my penis. Three years later, I decided to tackle the problem again. Someone recommended that I see a pediatric urologist. I saw a doctor at the Children's Hospital of Los Angeles. He was reluctant to perform a repair on a 22 year-old, but somehow I convinced him to do it. Twelve years later, I am very happy with my final result!
There's a scar on the underside of my penis that resembles the frenulum in a "normal" guy. The hole is where it should be and I can urinate upright. The curvature of my penis is minor - entirely within the range of normal. My recommendations: Go to a reputable physician at a major medical center or university. Get evaluated by a urologist, but consider discussing cosmetic options with a plastic surgeon. The urologist can relocate the opening, and maybe the plastic surgeon can make it look better. This may require a multi-step procedure. I still have my foreskin and was told a few years back by a urologist that I could have it removed if I wanted my penis to look more normal. I then said that I didn't see how that repaired the hypospadias, and he said it doesn't, it just makes your penis look more normal. Apparently to him normal is circumcised. Since removing the foreskin did nothing about the hypospadias I said no. Why go through an unnecessary surgical procedure if it actually accomplishes very little?
Response to 8
My foreskin is very sensitive, and the best part. When in the missionary position it hits my partner's clitoris and flaps back and forth, great feelings for both. I would not part with mine.
I was born with a hypospadias, and had a series of operations through the age of 14 to "correct" the condition. The only reason the operations stopped was because I was finally old enough to know what was happening and told the doctors and my parents to stop...[also] there was no point to them. The medical reasons for the procedure are usually dubious at best. (Why is sitting down to pee made out to be such a big problem?) The cosmetic reasons for surgery are completely spurious. They can move the opening, but they can not make a "normal" penis. All they can do is take genitals that do not look normal, and replace them with genitals that do not look normal. Anyone considering such an operation should educate themselves as much as they can on the subject and make their own decision.
There do appear to be two schools of thought on the subject of when the operations should happen. One says to operate on a boy by doing what's "best" for him, and possibly finding out that you were wrong when he reaches adulthood. The other says to wait until the child is an adult and can make his own decisions, and possibly finding out that he would rather have had the operations years ago. My parents, and most of the medical community, were members of the first school. I remember the pain and humiliation of the operations and doctors' visits. I had to live with growing up looking different and being defective (apparently all hypospadians are in that boat, no matter when they have operations). If my parents had left me alone and the decision to have operations was left to me as an adult, would I have had them? Probably. Maybe. One thing I think that everyone can agree on, is that a loving family should talk to their boy. He should be taught that he's loved, and that he should love himself, no matter what he looks like. As you can tell from my previous postings, I am quite bitter about the operations I had as a child and the reasons behind them. It took me several years to put the rage behind me and accept myself for everything that I am. Right now, I am the happiest I have ever been and I'm engaged to a beautiful woman. I look forward to raising our children together, no matter what they look like.
Response to 10
I have been full of rage because no-one ever mentioned my hypospadias to me - no support, no discussion, no help at all. The bitterness of finding that I was different at 14 was profound...and it emerged because of pubescent curiosity from the other boys in the locker room...I would have hidden away for ever, because I am very small when flaccid anyway. But it wasn't just the hypospadias that was a problem - there were adhesions between glans and the (small, hooded) foreskin, and a twist along the length of the shaft of about 45 degrees. How could any parent who cared for their child not approach the subject with them? Well, mine didn't! The thing that drives me to seek a surgical opinion now is that the twist is much worse - at least when flaccid - now being about ninety degrees between base and tip under some conditions, and that the glans has developed the classic downward tilt of the hypospadic penis, which I never had until now. The surgeon, whose specialism is urethral reconstruction, looked at my dick and said "This isn't simple..." At last - someone who understood - and it was obvious he knew about the psychological effects, too! We have agreed he is going to do an exploration under general anesthetic to see the extent of the urethral deformity and see what happens on erection before we decide on any reconstructive surgery. I just regret it has taken me so long to get here - and more than anything, that I have avoided sexual relationships with women so much because of my fears... ..I envy you being engaged, I would do anything to be married and have kids....and maybe it will still happen.
I have been reading the posts and wonder if anyone has a small penis. I was operated on for my hypospadias (actually it was a more severe form called Epispadias) and the reconstructive surgery left me with a very small penis. It is a little over an inch when flaccid and about 2 1/2 inches when erect. If anyone else is in a similar situation I would like to talk with them. As I have found out by reading the previous messages urologists don't seem to have all the answers.
I know that personally and from some of the messages I have read here that [a small penis] is a common condition among those with hypospadias. In my own case I don't know if it was caused by the resulting surgeries or by the HS. The common thread that seems to be occurring is that while we all share the same condition we all have different degrees and severity of it. My own penis is only about 2" + flaccid and about 3+ erect, which is I guess about as small as you can get. I have avoided relationships as I realized early in the game that I didn't want to handle the additional emotional baggage that would result. That said however I do have an active social life and many friends none of whom know about my problem. I am very successful in my chosen field so most people just come to the conclusion that I haven't the time for permanent relationships. The ironic thing is that not having to form and maintain a relationship has given me the extra time to focus on other parts of my life. I doubt if I would be where I am now if I hadn't had hypospadias. It really is a crazy old world at times!
I believe that some hypo originates through testosterone deficiency when the male baby is in the uterus. This can be because the testicles don't produce enough testosterone to complete the masculinization of the fetus's genital tract, or that the enzyme systems involved in converting the testosterone to its active form (5-alpha dihydrotestosterone, if it matters) are lacking, or that the receptors on the male baby's cells are unresponsive, to a greater or lesser degree, to testosterone. The latter condition involves genetic mutation which can extend from a single point mutation of one gene to a whole series of mutations, giving gradually increased resistance to testosterone as the mutation gets bigger. In these cases, where the origin of the hypo is in the masculinizing physiology of the fetus at a cellular level, I would not be in the least surprised to see a correlation between hypospadias and penis size. By contrast, other causes of hypo may not be related to masculinization. Environmental pollution, for example, may "just" cause the hypo, but leave penis size untouched. Also, if hypo is a genetic trait, as it seems to be in some families, then it may be passed on independently of penis size. In the end, though, I wonder if it matters? To me, the problem is self-acceptance, really, although understanding can help a lot.
I am glad that I found this site. For years I thought that I was one of a very small group. This is one subject that you just never hear discussed. I first realized that I was different when I went to a new doctor for an exam at the age of 8. Upon seeing my penis he immediately called in half a dozen other people to view me. After that I became very shy and modest. During high school comments in the shower room made me avoid further showers and urinals. I am now 43 and married, a father of two. I have retained my foreskin hood and lead a normal sex life. My wife has no problems with my hypospadias and I have learned to live with it happily. I am 5 3/4" erect and have two holes on the underside about 1 1/2" behind the glans. I think that with age you just learn to play with the hand that you are dealt and appreciate the fact that you are otherwise normal.
As far as penis size, there definitely seems to be a correlation between hypospadias and below average penis size. In the overall population, only 5% of men have penises shorter than 5 inches (according to the Kinsey research). However, 40% of men who completed the hypospadias survey have penises shorter than 5 inches.
How did you find out you had hypospadias?
I have coronal hypospadias. However, I have a piece of skin over the urethra which makes it look a little bit like a pocket. It wasn't until I was about eighteen or so when I realized that my penis was strikingly different from other guys. My doctor never discussed hypospadias with me, but he always indicated my penis wasn't "normal." I found out it wasn't normal when I saw a porno mag where the man's glans was clearly visible and his urethra was right in the middle of the top of the glans. I asked my doctor about plastic surgery and he recommended a urologist. The urologist said the only thing he could do for me was to circumcise me so the hypospadias would be less noticeable. I told him no. I figured my penis did what it was supposed to do, so why take a chance of getting an infection or worse.
It just amazes me that no-one ever told me I was different - although thinking about what a tight-up pair of assholes my parents were, maybe it doesn't. I found out something was different when I was peeing next to my best friend at school and he said "hee hee hee yours comes out of a slit in the bottom of your dick...." Course I was too uptight to look at his and I thought "what the fuck does he mean?" Some time later I saw a sex education book with a cross-section of the penis, showing the urethra at the middle of the glans, and would you believe it, I wondered why the book was wrong! It wasn't till I got to University and was able to look at the medical texts that I understood - at the age of 20! Mine has a thin piece of skin over the urethral opening as well, but it is very thin and seems to be stretching downwards, thus making the slit longer and my pee spray into a fountain.
When I was in 4th grade and urinating, another boy in the restroom said something like, "Why does yours have a mouth? It looks like it's smiling," he said referring to the pocket around my urethra. The other boys in the restroom started laughing, which was humiliating, but none of them ever showed me or told me what a "normal" penis looked like. So as you can see, I was aware at a very early age that something was different about my penis, I just didn't exactly know what. I also didn't have anyone really to ask without feeling embarrassed or who I felt would give a decent answer. My parents knew that I had hypospadias, but they never explained what was wrong. They just talked about it every time we came back from the doctor. The doctor always examined my penis, but he never explained to me what was wrong either. He would just talk to my parents in hushed tones so I couldn't fully hear what he was saying. I think he was one of those doctors who thought if a boy knows everything about his penis, he will be tempted to use it. Needless to say I was glad when I was old enough to pick my own doctor. My mother just called it the "condition" and said that I probably would never have any children because of it. This always embarrassed me. What was even more embarrassing was that my grandmother knew about it and used to say, "your parents better do something about your condition" or "your uncle has to do something about his condition in order to have children." Nobody wants to hear their grandmother discussing their privates. I resented the fact that my parents discussed this with my grandmother, apparently to get a second opinion, but never really discussed it with me.
A few days ago, I was reading an advice column in the Daily Mirror (a UK newspaper), and the columnist discussed hypospadias. It was then that I realized that I had the same affliction as the young boy in the column. Believe it or not, I hadn't realized that I had it until that minute! You could have hit me with a hammer, and I wouldn't have noticed! I thought all menís penises had the opening there. That is, in my case, at the base of the glans. I mean, Iíve never really paid much attention to other menís tackle, except for a crafty look in the toilets to set my mind at rest regarding size. Letís face, very few men get to really inspect other menís genitals. They see them in toilets, and locker rooms, but itís usually at a distance. Even porno pictures arenít all that detailed. The main difference as far as I was concerned was that I thought I had been circumcised at a young age, and that I had a slight curve when I had an erection. But I thought it was just one of those things. Like some women have inverted nipples, some men have curved cocks. I canít believe that I have been living in such ignorance, all these years. I mean, Iím 39 for Christís sake! Iíve not exactly been promiscuous, but of the women Iíve been with, none have mentioned that anything was amiss. Maybe Iíve been lucky enough to escape years of worry and self-doubt, at least regarding my tackle. I have to say that it hasnít been a problem for me, at all. In fact, as a child, it was a positive bonus. I was able to piss longer and further than any other kid around. That earns you bonus points in the great game of childhood.
How do you feel about it?
I had sleepless nights when I was still single just thinking whether a girlfriend would notice the different shape of my penis and its hole about a nail's width behind the head. I had recurrent imaginings whether the girls would tell their friends about my deviant penis. Anyway most did not notice. To only one girl did I carefully explain my condition: she is now my wife.....I fantasize about shooting my load across a woman's chest...but it just cannot be. When I browse the net I look at other men's penises not because I am desirous of them but because I envy them. This is similar to looking inside a mansion and salivating at the Jaguar or Mercedes Benz they own. I had two operations to correct my condition. The first one really failed and did not achieve much but to punch a hole through my penis leaving a visible scar above my penis. (This one is really visible and would cause me embarrassment if a woman asked about it). The second managed to advance the opening a little. The passage is very thin and ends still behind the head. This is unlike the rest of the urethra (about 3/4 of my penis) which is robust and can be felt as a tough tube. My penis head bends down a bit and my glans is widened underneath.
I am 31 years old and was born with "moderate" hypospadias (opening halfway down the shaft). All my life I had thought I was a freak of nature, at least until I started researching the subject on the internet. I had reconstructive surgery done as an infant....as a teen... and as an adult. It wasn't pleasant to say the least. The good news is that I now have a decent result, all things considered. The bad news is that it was traumatic reaching this point. The shame and embarrassment surrounding this condition is something that could only be fully understood by somebody who has it.
I have been searching the Web for sites about hypospadias and only found a few, disappointing sites. This one is great because there are so many guys talking about their own experience.
I have a very large urethral opening just on the underside of my head. The head is very large, partly due to being "splayed" at the underside. The tissue around the urethra is tumescent, which, from reading on this site, is unusual. I have never really had any problems, physically or psychologically, because of this condition. I find that other guys are either indifferent, or interested in it. Only rarely does anyone seem uncomfortable or turned off by it. Actually, a lot or guys are really into how large the hole is and get off on licking it, etc.
My mother noticed the condition when I was around 6 and took me to see a urologist who observed me pissing and then declared that everything seemed to work just fine and that there wasn't any need to do anything. As I got older, in my thirties, I got interested to know if other people were born the same way I was. Only about two years ago did I learn the word hypospadias and start reading about the subject. I seems like I don't have any of the other conditions often associated with it. My dick is straight, about 6" long, very thick.
I'm 42 yrs old, married with 4 teenagers and just realized that I have a condition (birth defect) called hypospadias! I knew that I was different when I compared myself to my little brother in the bathtub as a small kid. He had a "normal" penis and mine was weird with the hole on the bottom. In fact, I have what looks like 3 holes, but only one is the urethra. As I grew older and my "mushroom" head got larger, I was teased a lot. I remember the guys in Jr. high making fun of my "turtle head". I thought that the Doctor who performed my circumcision had "slipped" and cut too much. A couple of years ago, I asked my mom why the doctor screwed up and she said, "He didn't, you were always like that." Until I found this website a couple of weeks ago, I truly believed the doctor screwed up despite what my mom said.
I have never had surgery, in fact, my hypospadias is not too bad, especially when compared to some of the pictures posted. I am about 6" with an extremely large head. I have a great sex life and none of the dribbling ejaculations, like some of the descriptions. I don't have a problem using urinals, but standing over a toilet has always been a problem as it is difficult to "aim" with a hole on the bottom. Plus it sprays most of the time, due to the large slit. So over the years, I have found it easier to sit on the toilet, when a urinal is not available. Not a problem for me and my wife doesn't complain about me leaving the seat up! It is a relief to know that I am not alone out there.
Like everyone else, am very relieved to know that I'm not a "freak". I have always felt like I was the only person in the world that had this. I watched porn movies and mags and still haven't seen one picture of a penis that looks similar to mine. After seeing the photos I feel "happy" to see that there are others like me.
Self-esteem is a major factor here. I think it is the case that given a strong emotional make-up (i.e. through being loved and respected as a child, and receiving plenty of positive affirmation), you can survive the trauma of these things much better....but I just wonder, when we say the problems underlying hypospadias's emotional consequences are issues of low self-esteem, which came first - the low self-esteem or the hypospadias? It seems likely to me that anyone with issues of shame or feelings of being worth-less-than-others may have turned out very differently if they had not had the hypospadias, even if everything else had been equal.
My hole is in the bottom part of the penis head, and it's really a problem for me. I'm only 18 years old, and my problem is that I want to have sex with my girlfriend. I'm too embarassed for her to see it...I don't know if she'll scream or get scared or something, 'coz I don't think she ever saw a penis like mine. In your experience do you think she would mind where the hole is located or not...?
Responses to 7
Don't let the location of your opening stop you from having a relationship. I have never had a woman who did not like it. Remember that a relationship is hugging and kissing and a whole lot of love, not just sex.....your penis is very very special and don't let anyone tell you it is not. Enjoy what you have and don't try to be something you are not.
Well, many thoughts come to mind....but let's take it slowly. First, I know you are very worried. I understand that. But, you are not alone. My condition sounds like yours, although my penis is a bit smaller than average, and when flaccid looks odd, although I must admit when erect things are more normal-looking. However, my penis has still given me a lot of emotional challenges over the years. There is a twist in the shaft, and a hooded foreskin, which as you may know are characteristic of hypospadias - you don't say if you have these problems or not... I would guess not. But of course it doesn't matter what the difference between your penis and anyone else's is - it is how you feel about it that counts, and I know that is where your difficulty lies. I avoided sexual contact with women for much the same reasons as you are expressing until I was in my thirties, and my biggest surprise was that the woman I eventually made love to didn't care about it at all. I was wearing a condom, so it wasn't that visible anyway. Many things make sex valuable for a woman - the closeness, the touch, the kissing (very much the kissing - many women find this the most intimate act of all), the intimacy - but not necessarily your sexual performance. This is true, I think, for women of all ages. You may have heard the saying that women give men sex to get love, whereas men give women love to get sex. It is a bit of a stereotype, but there is so much truth in it. The point being, that a woman will see the act of making love very differently to the way you see it. Whereas for you it is about being a man and proving your manhood, for her it is about being validated as a woman, about you finding her desirable and sexy (this is so important to a woman). Thus HER issues will not be about the appearance, size and shape of your dick, but about your kindness, lovingness, and finding her sexy and attractive, and of course how considerate you are towards her.
Now, I know that may reassure you a bit, but you are still wondering how you are going to get over the hurdle and expose your penis to her, and how she will react. I currently have a female friend who is the most intimate, emotionally connected person (of either sex) I have ever met. It was inevitable that we would go to bed together, but the familiar old feeling of doubt and shame started up as soon as the possibility of our making love came into my mind. I felt it was only fair to mention my penis before we got to the point of being in bed, so she was aware of anything that might make her want to change her mind. So, I raised the subject one night when we were together by saying that I had great difficulty in getting over my fear of physical intimacy because my penis was a bit different from most of them. Yes, of course it took courage, and a long time to get the words out - but I did it. And guess what? She was so loving and supportive, I must say that I wondered how I could ever have doubted her: well, the answer is that of course I didn't doubt her, deep down - I was able to tell her my "secret" just because we were so comfortable and easy with each other, and so trusting that neither would ever want to do anything but support the other. The point being that if you are having a challenge in getting intimate, then change your approach - don't look on this as the challenge of losing your virginity, but as a challenge of developing enough trust and intimacy that you will be able to tell her about it before you go to bed. I know there is great pressure to lose your virginity - but, hey, what the hell? NO woman who wants to be a true friend is going to mind that you're a virgin - even if you're a bit older than normal when you first make love! The way I see it is this: we have been fated with something that makes us different, so we have a right to have different experiences in life! You need support, and there are loads of guys on this hypospadias forum / support group who can tell you that though hypospadias makes life a bit more challenging, in the end it doesn't stop us having girlfriends, getting married, or having children: they - and I -have done some or all of these things! There are some gay men with the condition too, and they say that their partners don't care either - it is the person that matters, not the penis! Although I do know, at the moment, your penis matters to you, a lot.
When I first became sexually active I was very nervous about my partners' reactions as well. My first time, I explained to my girlfriend about my penis beforehand. When the moment of truth came, she didn't blink. She didn't care what IT looked like, she wanted to make love with ME. That's pretty much been the same reaction from all my partners. Sometimes I'd explain beforehand, sometimes I never brought it up at all. Every now and then someone would ask me about it, more often than not they wouldn't. There is so much more to lovemaking than just the penis; I understand your anxiety, but I think you'll be just fine.
I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw that there was actually a support forum for men with hypospadias. It took me 2 years since buying a computer to even do a search of the word! I couldn't even tell my psychiatrist what was really wrong...I wrote him a letter! I recently had back surgery and the experience of having the catheter was absolutely humiliating for me... though they inserted it after I was under anesthesia, I was haunted by visions of the O.R. staff pulling back the blanket and laughing at my deformity, and having all the nurses on the floor know about it. I am now 39, and I have lived with that sickening feeling of shame all my life. I even tried to kill myself once, though I never admitted that the real reason was my hypospadias. My parents never even told me about it....it wasn't until the first time I saw another man urinate that I realized with horror that I was different. Things are not so dismal now. I have a great partner who has reassured me that it's ALL of me that matters, not just that one part of my penis. God, I'm even shaking as I write this. At any rate...I'm so glad to have found this forum and look forward to sharing with all of you. Thanks.
Like you I was surprised to see there was a support group for Hypospadias, I have the more severe version called Epispadias. I underwent several operations as a child to 'correct' the problem. They were successful insofar as they did at least allow me to pee while standing up but left me with a very small penis. I was fortunate to have very supportive parents who also believed in letting me know even at an early age that I was different and protected me from having to endure embarrassment at school. Our family doctor also was helpful in supplying letters to excuse me from gym or any other classes where I would have to undress in front of other boys. To say it wasn't a problem would be a lie but I have learned to accept it and am leading a very successful and happy life.
My first urologist very carefully explained the condition to me and also told me of the number of other men with the same problem. Like any adversity once you know the facts you can make choices that will allow you to cope. I used to be terrified of anyone finding out, now, while I would rather keep it private I really don't care. It all anyone can see of me as a person is a small penis, well, that's their problem.
I haven't really felt embarrassed about relatives that know about the hypospadias. I figure they know and accept me as I am. I have an aunt that is an registered nurse (RN) and a friend of her daughter has a son that was born with hypospadias and she mentioned it recently. I think the family understands that the hypospadias is part of my delayed sexual experiences and my shyness. Other than the aunt that is an RN, no family member has ever mentioned it. As I recall, she was supportive of my parents during the surgical process and she is the one that gave my parents the name of the procedure when we needed it to put on some medical forms. Actually I recall my grandfather being very supportive in teaching me to pee standing up. He lived in the country and didn't have indoor plumbing so as a small child he would take me out on the back porch and help me perfect the aim of my stream by encouraging me to pee on "that rock", etc.
I am not sure how many relatives knew about the condition. I suspect that all on my mother's side knew (six sisters and one brother). I know that one female cousin on my mother's side knew as we used to "play doctor" together. She has always been like a sister to me and I never felt like she thought anything about it. Probably the children of the aunt that is an RN know. I do not know if any on my father's side of the family know and do not really care if they do or not. I did tell a male cousin on my father's side about it when he "came out" to me. He was into genealogy and had done a family medical questionnaire. I had not put the hypospadias on that as I was still embarrassed about it; however after he told me he was gay too, I felt I should set the record straight. He didn't feel it was a big deal, but still doesn't understand my interest in the anatomy of the penis. I have thought about telling him about this site, but I am not sure he needs to know or even wants to know about hypospadias.
After I had the final corrective surgery at age 36, I was so upset about the appearance of my penis that I was frantic. I told my parents that I didn't even know what a normal penis looked like but I was sure that mine was "ruined" and would never look normal. My father assured me it was fine and even showed me his (he is uncut so it didn't really help that much but the gesture was much appreciated). My mother reassured me that the appearance of my penis would not matter to other people, especially women that I might be involved with. She shared that she had never really seen a man's penis up close until she married my father.
As was mentioned in earlier messages to the young man fearing his first sexual encounter, the penis is only a small (no pun intended) part of a person. Most people never have an occasion to see or interact with it. People will love or like you, not because of what your penis looks like but because of the person you are. I know a great many people with "normal" penises that I don't care to associate with because of their personalities.
When I was younger I was very scared of people finding out about my condition. It was very tough at school as I knew how cruel the other boys could be. I was excused from gym thanks to an understanding family doctor but another boy wasn't and I know he went through pure hell. Children can be the cruelest of creatures. When I went for my first job I had to have a physical before being hired and was sleepless the night before in case they wouldn't hire me. The company doctor didn't even comment on it and I got the job. Now while I would rather not have everyone knowing of my condition it isn't a major consideration. I think that you eventually get to the point where you realize that you as a person are not your penis and that there are others with far more wide reaching physical problems who can't conceal them. At least this problem is one that isn't evident under normal circumstances. Those in the medical profession treat it just as another medical problem. I have close friends who are doctors and have never heard them make any comments about hypospadias or any birth defects.
I'm a 40 years old male. I've had a severe case of it, so many surgeries starting at age 2,and the outcome is a penis so small I can't perform sexual intercourse, and that is driving me nuts now these days. I've been brave in the past, I used to get into relationships that would last for a while, and then the rejection part would come. After being hurt, humiliated and sometimes laughed at so many times, I decided ten years ago to stop dating, assuming it will stop the grief somehow. I've been successful and cautious for ten years avoiding even a contact with a woman. I'm a very passionate man, and I love women, however, I got nothing in return but a lot of heartache, and few good memories.
Responses to 12
I don't know if it is any help or not but I am in the same situation as yourself. My penis is very small and therefore I am not capable of normal sexual relations. I used to hope that I could find a woman that would understand, but have come to realize that while someone like this might exist it would be very difficult to find them. I put a lot of time into my career and friendships. I used to be like yourself worried about getting old and being alone but once you realize that being in a relationship isn't a guarantee that you still won't be alone in old age things can come into perspective. I am older than you so I have I guess had to deal with the problem longer and have come to terms with it. I know it sounds pollyannaish to say others have more serious problems but one consolation I always had was that my disability was such that it wasn't visible and I didn't suffer the discrimination and insensitivity that I would have if it had been. I think that once I knew that there were many more men with the same problem I started to come to terms with myself and my life. I guess my view is that if I could undergo surgery to put everything right I would undergo it at once but since that isn't possible I will at least try to enjoy as much of the rest of life that I can and build close friendships that can offer me a support group when I need it.
I'm a woman and I have a son with hypospadias. When I read your message I really felt for you. I'm very sorry that you have suffered such a horrifying experiences... but don't give up on relationships with all women. I don't think you have used up all of your options. If you can't have "sex", you can still blow your partner's mind in other ways. You need to go to some of the adult stores, and see if they have things for men who want to please their mate, but can't have "sex". If you think about it, there are a lot of married men who are impotent and I'm sure some of them have found ingenious ways to please their mate. I personally wouldn't cut off a relationship with a man who couldn't use his penis to have sex with me. So, pull yourself up by the boot straps and start thinking positively about yourself. If you are an attractive man, then I'm sure some women would be happy to have you. You just have to have confidence in yourself, and that will take you a long way. If you think you are still hot stuff, regardless of your condition, then some woman would love you simply by the way you carry yourself. I hope I was able to give you another woman's point of view.
As a woman, I just wanted to let you know that there are women out there for you... I believe everything happens for a reason, and the woman that you are meant to be with will be all that more special and understanding.. I can't speak for all women but I can say for myself that for the men that worry about intercourse, it really isn't that important to women. Besides there are many other fun things that can be done in bed! You all have tongues and fingers! I myself never have orgasms from intercourse... I much rather be stimulated other ways... As well I'm pretty sure in saying that women care more about love than the physical aspect of a serious relationship, as well I personally and other women I have spoken to all agree that the appearance of a man's penis isn't that important to us. I honestly didn't have a good look at one until a few years ago... and hey vaginas definitely don't look all the same... We as a society have to stop putting so much emphasis on "Normal" and just start accepting some diversity.. Give some women some credit and just be honest.. and you might be surprised that there are some sensitive women out there.....! I hope this helps a little bit.
Response to "C" above
It is refreshing to hear that there are women who will understand and accept a man for what he is personally. The problem is that many women do judge a man on size and function and if he doesn't 'stack up' will broadcast the news far and wide. It is for that reason that I have been very discreet over the years. I am older than most of those here and I guess I have come to adapt and adjust to the situation more. When I was younger I don't think people were as understanding as they are now. I have even noticed a difference in those in the medical profession. Sexuality was still a rather taboo subject then and even doctors tended to shy away from it. When I once asked a specialist when I was in my teens about my chances of normal relationships he said that I would just have to forget about that and perhaps get a hobby! Also I can remember the giggles and jokes about a boy that had hypospadias when I was in high school. Luckily I was excused from PT due to the kind assistance of our family doctor. It is like many disabilities you just have to learn to accept it and live with it.....to be quite frank........you don't have any other option. I still keep hoping that I will meet a women who I can form a relationship with but at this stage in my life am not preoccupied with it..... ...if it happens it happens. I am heterosexual (at least in interests) if not practice so the option of a gay relationship never has been a consideration for me. Thank you for writing the preceding message it is reassuring that there are women like you out there.
It seems to me the one common thread for all of us with this "condition" is a hell of a lot of pain and humiliation. I would like to say this to those parents of boys with hypospadias: consider getting counseling for them! The best thing you can do for them is love and support them, but in my book, nothing you can do will fully prepare them for the humiliation they may feel the first time they undress in a junior high school locker room - especially if they get teased by other kids! I'm sure many of us would have been better able to deal with life if we had gotten some help that way....
One thing new parents could do is to keep a diary of their sons' treatment, and particularly their feelings at the time. Then when the boy discovers his difference and starts to ask questions, you have a history of his treatment - which will demonstrate that you did the best for him at the time, in the best knowledge and expertise available to you. I would also add that fathers are particularly important at the sensitive time of puberty, since as natural early role-models - it is most likely to them that the initial early questions will be directed. How many times have we read: 'My father refused to discuss it' or 'I would like to have asked my dad'.
I've worried off and on about a cock that is different to what it was "supposed to be", but once I became sexually active as a gay man in my early 30's I realized that the differences weren't particularly important to me or my partners. My first recollection of my penis was a curious and unexplained visit to the hospital when I was perhaps 8 years old. A doctor I didn't know pulled the hood of my penis back and exposed my glans for the first time.... I thought for several years that I had been damaged because the red ridge never went away! ....At fifteen or so I was very proud of my hard cock, and one day I showed it to a bunch of my friends - who teased me because I had a down turned "dork". They didn't bother to mention -and it was years until I figured it out - that my cock was bigger than most - about 6-3/4"long and 5-3/4" around when hard. Playing with other boys, I also became aware of differences. No one else had two pee openings - one in the glans and another just under the head. I've also got a hood that partially covers just the top of my glans - actually quite convenient as a handle when I pee. Of course, having 2 openings means that the direction of peeing is kind of unpredictable - enough for a urinal to handle but I'm always missing the toilet at the start. It's annoying.... I'm also kind of pee shy, which I find kind of ironic for someone who likes to show his cock and lead erotic massage rituals. When I sought counseling in college to try and figure things out the psychiatrist sent me to a urologist, who massaged my cock hard and said I had nothing to worry about since my cock would work just fine and was bigger than most. If he mentioned hypospadias, I don't remember. But I still worried that because my hard cock curved down, I wouldn't be able to perform intercourse, although my growing gay consciousness made that less of a worry. The head is also shorter than most, so my cock seems blunt, but that might just be the effect of the width - about 2" when hard. When I was in high school I incorrectly attributed the downward curvature to the confining influence of my briefs on my constant hard-ons - another of the ideas I came up with when explanations weren't offered......
I didn't really come to terms with my gay nature until 1975 when I was 32, and then quickly came out and entered into a long relationship in which sex and intimacy were very important. It was my lover who introduced me to the Body Electric School of Massage, and in the last dozen years I've done a number of their workshops, which use the power of erotic energy for community, play, personal growth, and healing, and I've also come to lead group erotic massage sessions and frequently trade massage. The Body Electric work has made me much more relaxed about sex, and helped me to integrate my erotic nature into the rest of my life. Occasionally someone comments about the extra urethral opening, but I've heard no complaints. Actually I never think about it anymore when I'm with someone.......If I have any regrets, it's that I wasted a lot of energy worrying about being different because no one dared to explain my penis to me while I was growing up. My advice to someone else with hypospadias would be to learn about yourself, learn that yours is just one of a rich variety of penises that nature has given us and try the many pleasant and enriching ways of employing it. You'll soon find yours to be quite serviceable and appreciated.
I am a 47 year old guy who has lived with this all these many years. I am very pleased that you can be self-accepting enough to actually post your pictures. I have mild hypospadias, with the main difficulty that I have encountered physically being difficulty peeing without making a mess while standing up (I have found a way to "pinch" my penis in such a way that I can usually control the stream). I cannot stress enough what an emotional problem this has been for me throughout my lifetime. I believe that I have overcompensated for this difficulty on many occasions and in many different ways. As a youngster I went through phases of either being totally withdrawn and shy (after age 19) or becoming extremely extroverted. I became quite promiscuous, having many times engaged in wild sex which could have put me in danger of disease etc. I am now a father of 2 sons, neither of whom has hypospadias (thank God!). I had heard of new fathers who counted fingers and toes, I checked cocks! My relief at seeing that my children didn't have to suffer the difficulties that I have had was enormous! I am a very well educated man; and yet, didn't even know that what I had was called a hypospadias until last year! I was almost too afraid to find out. I thought that I was a freak of nature, and thought that I was the only guy in the world with a weird dick! Just seeing your postings and reading and looking at the pictures has given me a much better feeling about myself. Thank you to everyone! I am not "cured" of my emotional distress over this problem, but I feel that I am beginning to be more accepting of my "difference" and thankful for the mildness of my hypospadias. After seeing the various forms that this can take, I feel blessed that mine is as it is... I have been blessed with a 4 to 4.5 inch cock which extends itself to a graceful 7 1/2 inches at erection. Sure, I find the head to be unusual, and somewhat embarrassing when I go to the gym, or in other circumstances where I have to be naked, but at least I am able to have normal, and very pleasant sex, and my difficulty has not REQUIRED surgery. Although I admit I have considered trying to have the head made more like the average cock, I am now leaning more toward just being happy with what I have... this is due mainly to seeing the pictures that you great guys have posted. Again, I thank you all for the "Balls" that it took for you to do that! (a little joke there, hope that you don't mind the humor).
And what about your children?
I have twins: one with hypo and one without. The child without hypo was circumcised as an infant. My other child was not for obvious reasons. The urologist said that he has a mild form of hypospadias and that surgery was not necessary. However, after reading the posts on this board from grown men with hypo, I am seriously considering having my child undergo the surgery before he gets too old (he's 2). My son's hypospadias looks much like the textbook photo in one of the albums. I have never seen him pee before since he is still in diapers so I don't know if he sprays or not. But, I don't want my son to grow up being teased about his penis. He will know that he is different once he notices that his penis looks different than his twin brother. Since I have something to compare it to, his penis doesn't look that much different than his brother's so I'm not really sure what to do. I would love to hear from some grown men with mild hypo to let me know how you managed as a kid and advise me of the surgery.
I read your letters and really wonder whether I should have had my eldest boy ever operated on, his hypospadias wasn't overly bad; the hole was about half way down the shaft, and I was told it was only cosmetic surgery, that it wasn't necessary for him to go through; but I thought that it would be better to fix it so he didn't have the embarrassment - only to find that because they left so much skin at the sides of the head that he would be embarrassed anyway. He doesn't use a urinal, only behind closed doors will he take off his clothes. The operation happened when he was 7 months old, now he is 7 years old and he needs some holes repaired. Actually one hole has been made by a undissolved stitch, and all I can think is "did I do this to him, did he really have to go through all this?"
Responses to 2:
You ARE doing the right thing. I wish my parents had brought me to a surgeon when I was a child. Instead, I grew up emotionally scarred. As an adult, I finally persuaded a urologist to do the repair, but it wasn't easy. For your sons, this will be a vague and quickly forgotten memory. No matter what the outcome, they will eventually know you made the best decision.
I can empathize with you and your sons. I had repair done as a child and one thing I remember clearly is I felt excluded in the discussions and procedures even though MY penis was the center of attention. I know this had an affect on me emotionally and psychologically, etc. Surgery IS a traumatic event for anyone, especially children. In my case, I felt like an object and a victim. Allot of the pain I complained about was not real, just fear and need for attention. Communication with the child about the event is, I believe, paramount. It is his body and his future that you are willing to do anything to improve. That makes you a good parent.
I hope everything is fine. If you spare your boys the life of difficulty I have had then you have done the right thing. I have spent all my life avoiding intimacy because of the shame I feel about my condition, and have never had a loving long term physical relationship because of it....only now am I going to see a surgeon to explore the possibility of correction. Don't doubt you are doing the right thing.
I am a mother of a 3 1/2 month old baby boy. I am not sure if he has hypospadias, but at the hospital the family physician ordered for him not to be circumcised. He said that he had a chordee and we were referred to a pediatric urologist. We saw the urologist when he was about a month old and he said to come back when he is between 4-6 months. I read his chart and it mentioned torsion and the doctor also mentioned about the foreskin hood. At this next visit, they will do an artificial erection. He says this will allow him to diagnose and we can discuss surgery at that appointment. I have tried to find information on the net about this and keep running into the same generalized info.
Response to 3
In my opinion (speaking from an emotional, rather than a physical, perspective), if the chordee and/or hypospadias turns out to be minor, it might be best to postpone surgery until your son reaches adolescence and can learn about the condition and have input on the decision. There are a couple reasons for this. First, there's always the risk that repair of minor hypospadias may produce a functional and cosmetic result no better than before surgery. This was my childhood experience and I don't think the emotional and potential physical trauma of surgery is worth the risk for repair of MINOR hypospadias. Second, if your son decides to have his minor hypospadias repaired in adolescence (or later), surgical techniques will most certainly improve in the next 15 years so the surgical outcome might be much better. If however, the hypospadias is rather severe, surgery might be unavoidable. In that case, I think it would be best to perform the surgery/ies before he is old enough to remember it. In either case, I think it is extremely important to get 2 or 3 opinions before making your final decision. You might find that different doctors may have different opinions and offer different advice. Or one may have more experience, recommend a different technique, etc. than another doctor. You owe it to yourself and to your son to talk to more than one doctor.
I have hypo, my son was born with it also. Even though I had it I was still undecided about whether he should have the surgery. I thought I'd let him wait to decide that for himself. Upon talking with surgeons I learned about the scarring factor: children's scars usually don't turn hard and rigid like an adult's. This is what convinced me to have my son's hypo repaired. Scar tissue is a very bad, and permanent, problem with the surgery later in life. I am living proof of that. How minor your child's hypo is should be a very important factor in whether you should proceed with surgery. Is there chordee with the hypo? Chordee is a twisting, or bending of the penis that is corrected somewhat with the surgery. If there is chordee then you really should consider surgery if it is very bad. I consulted with several surgeons who specialized in pediatric urology before making my decision. I strongly urge you to do the same. Ask them all the questions you want. Surgeons aren't usually very sociable creatures, so you will probably have to ask the questions you need answered. They don't seem to give info up easily.
Miscellaneous problems with hypospadias
A little about my story... I was born with relatively minor hypospadias, with the opening near the top of the shaft just below the head. I never knew there was any kind of a problem until surgery was performed when I was 6 years old (I'm now 26). Compared to some horror stories I've heard, I shouldn't be too disappointed with my surgery, but I do think it was a less than stellar result. My biggest complaint is that the new opening (which is now where it should be) is huge, which causes a couple problems. Although I am able to urinate standing, sometimes the urine comes out in 2 (or 3) separate streams making it hard not to make a mess. Also, it is really easy for soap/shampoo to enter the opening when I shower which causes painful burning. The same thing once happened when using a sexual lubricant containing spermicide. Has anyone else experienced these problems? In addition to the large "pee hole", the head is almost split in half vertically on the bottom side, and sometimes the two ends pull apart during sex (or even just when wearing restrictive clothing), and it causes pain. I guess I was lucky because the pain lasted only a day or so and I didn't have to go to a doctor. I fixed the problem by switching to lube that doesn't contain spermicide. Sometimes it still burns a little, but it's generally not a problem if I'm careful not to get it around the hole. I think that's the main cause of the problem - the spermicide is able to get into the urethra easily because of hypospadias (of course it depends on where your opening is, how large, etc.)......I doubt if it is allergy to spermicide. Allergy would manifest itself as rash, itching, pain and/or swelling that would occur within a few minutes up to a day later and you would have the problem on all parts of your penis that contacted the spermicide. I don't use condoms now (I've been in a monogamous relationship for quite some time), but if you're using condoms, I'd recommend buying only non-lubricated condoms. Then buy your own water-based or silicon-based lube but carefully read the
ingredients to make sure that there is no spermicide. If you take those steps, you should still be able to enjoy safe sex (it can still be considered "safe" without the spermicide).
I've been experiencing urethral pain similar to what you've described in your message for three months now. I have seen a physician and a urologist regarding this. Neither have provided any real answers as to what might be causing it. I've experienced some relief from a drug called Pyridium, but I remain fearful that once I stop taking it pain will not have improved. I have the same problem with the spermicide lubricant condom..... Not only I had that kind of irritation, I also had some pain inside that somewhat spread to my abdomen area. I thought I had a UTI infection or possible bladder infection. Went to two doctors and a urologist to fix the pain. It's fixed! They gave me medication of Floxin and Doxycycline. This pain lasted for six months! But the mystery is the same, what the hell happened? What was it that caused it? Speculations: allergic reactions could be the case or if you still have foreskin, possible inflammation, I got those a lot when I was young. Well, the pain kind of spread inside my body. The drugs I have taken to stop the pain (after 6 long months!) were Floxin 200 mg (worked for a little bit but the pain came back) and then Doxycycline 100 mg. The pain still persisted after this for a little while. However, slowly, it disappeared by avoiding substances like caffeine, spicy food, etc. This was temporary until the pain completely stopped. Think about those criteria when taking these prescribed medications.
I have had the same problems with pain. I have found that the sulfa based antibiotics clear it up but it does reoccur at times. I have also noticed it recurring more frequently as I have gotten older. Probably due to a lower immune system. I had several operations when a child as the condition was very severe. I have also found that spicy foods are best to be avoided. It seems to be a problem that is inherent with this condition.
I wish antibiotics were the answer for me; a couple of you have mentioned that you have obtained relief from urethral pain through the use of an antibiotic. I'm a student in health care, so I know that an antibiotic would be ineffective unless a bacterial infection has been identified by growing a culture from a urine sample, or from a urethral swab. Nothing has shown up in either of these tests for me. I also haven't demonstrated other signs of an infection such as urethral discharge. Actually, antibiotics shouldn't be used unless an infection has been identified. As I'm sure many of you are aware, the overuse of antibiotics has contributed to the evolution of antibiotic resistant bacteria. So, using an antibiotic to relieve urethral pain that is not infection based is not the answer. The Pyridium that I have been taking is acting merely as a pain-reliever. There are other possible causes of urogenital pain: prostatitis, prostatic congestion, neurologic problems, and trauma. My frustration stems from the fact that a urologist has not been able to provide me with a diagnosis for the cause of my pain. All I am doing at this point is hoping for it to go away, and considering getting a second opinion from another urologist. My pain varies in intensity from day to day. On bad days I feel a general ache in and around the penis. If there is any rubbing of my penis on my underwear it feels almost as though the underside of my penis were being pinched. The urethra is always sore to the touch. Cleaning it with perfumed soaps have caused a burning sensation. There is usually no pain with urination. If any of you have experienced pain in your urethra, that was not caused by a urinary tract infection, I would like for you to share your stories with me.
While not having problems as often as you seem to have done I can count on at least one or two major infections in the course of a year. The antibiotics usually knock it down so I can at least cope with it. I have found that it is essential that I drink lots of fluids and don't wait to urinate. I have noticed that it is when I have had to wait to urinate that within a day or two I develop either a bladder or prostate infection. I can only surmise that the pressure must force some urine into the prostate or lining of the bladder.
When undergoing my reconstructive surgery as a child I had serious pain. The doctors put it down to "psychosomatic problems", but however once bleeding appeared started to take it seriously. After one exploratory surgery on the previous work they had done they decided to look north and found that I had a massive bladder stone. I underwent surgery for this and fortunately haven't had a recurrence. The results of all this surgery were put very well by my GP when he said "It's a bit of a plumber's nightmare down there" It seems from reading the previous messages that many of us (and there are far more of us than I realized), have similar problems.
I have been amazed to find out that bladder infections are a common problem. I started getting infections when I was about 39 or 40, and in the last ten years I have had them frequently. I have often wondered whether there could be some connection to my hypospadias, but the urologist I have been seeing for the past five years has not mentioned that there is a connection.
My Urologist explained to me that it was a problem that occurred with Hypospadias. You can also get prostate infections too. There seems to have been very little research done regarding the complications arising from this condition. I suspect due to the fact that even the medical profession until a few years ago was very hung up on anything of a sexual nature. I can remember some of the specialists that I had as a child treating me as if the condition had been caused by me.
I have such a hang-up with public restrooms I usually can't go if there is another guy in there. I have held it all day at times, no fun!
I have the same problem. I use the stalls in the gents and avoid going into a washroom with a friend so that questions won't be asked. It was more of a problem when I was younger, now that I am older the situations where I have to share rooms or change rooms don't seem to occur.
I've always been extremely pee-shy and a bit envious of those guys who could just whip it out no matter who is around. I always have to go into a stall if there are no dividers between the urinals. It doesn't bother me so much if someone in a locker room/shower sees my penis. I had to get used to it when I lived in the dorm in college. I know all guys check each other out, but I figure no one looks that closely. I can't imagine that any adults in a locker room situation would ever make a comment even if they did notice because they wouldn't want to admit they looked. I've always found it awkward to introduce a new lover to "the problem." I never know WHEN to bring it up, how he will react, etc. For the most part, the response has ranged from indifference to mild curiosity. I do feel uncomfortable when curiosity causes a lover to take a really close look (feels like a doctor examination or something). However, I've learned that most "normal" guys have a hang-up about some physical aspect that is unseen when fully clothed, whether it's penis size, being uncut (rather rare in the US), body hair, scars, etc.
I think I have dealt with hypospadias fairly well. One Urologist told me I was 'well adjusted'. My comment was that really I didn't have any other option. It was a trite answer but in fact had a basis of fact. My parents (or mother actually) explained everything to me at an early age. I realized that I was different and therefore would have to accept that fact and make the best life I could under the circumstances. I did try to date but found that while all were sympathetic to my problem they couldn't accept it and usually found another reason for breaking things up. For the past 20 years I have had a close personal woman friend. We don't have sexual relations or in fact live together but do travel and spend quite a lot of time together. She is a nurse so when we discussed the matter it was easy as she knew exactly what was involved. She had had a few relationships which hadn't worked out and didn't want to enter into another sexual one. While we have never discussed it I imagine that she handles her sexual needs in the same way as I do. I also have a very successful career which takes a lot of time and from which I get satisfaction and have made many good friends so that I have an active social life. One additional problem besides having a very small penis is due to the extensive surgery and that is that I don't have good urinary control. This tends to complicate matters even more. I often wonder how my life would have been if I had been 'normal', in some ways it might have been better but there isn't much point in dwelling on 'what ifs'.
There are quite a few reports that the incidence of hypospadias has increased in recent years. But it's my understanding that these reports are not entirely accepted and are a bit controversial. It's not clear if doctors simply do a better job at recognizing hypospadias and keeping records or if there really are more cases. Those who think the incidence really is increasing tend to blame it on estrogen mimickers. I've been digging through my old toxicology notes to refresh my memory, but here's the gist of it. There are several synthetic chemicals that can act on the estrogen receptor (a protein on the surface of cells that is necessary for estrogen to produce an effect); both women and men possess this protein. Some scientists argue that these chemicals have contaminated water supplies and are therefore causing a "feminizing" of men (e.g., lower sperm counts, increased hypospadias). This viewpoint is not accepted by everyone because the only conclusive data (cause and effect, rather than statistical correlation) is in animals, not humans. (Not very ethical to intentionally feed controlled doses of these chemicals to pregnant women and see what happens.)
Even if these scientists are right and this explains an environmental cause of hypospadias, it still doesn't rule out a genetic component. That can be very difficult to prove or disprove because it would certainly involve interaction of several genes (i.e., no such thing as the "hypospadias gene"). So, a possible scenario could be inheriting gene 1 from dad (who got it from his mom), gene 2 from mom (who got it from both her mom and dad) and the combination of the 2 genes makes you the unlucky guy born with hypospadias. Then maybe additional genes (as well as prenatal exposure to estrogen mimicking chemicals) determine the severity of the hypospadias. PURE SPECULATION, but it shows how difficult it can be to determine a cause (especially if you're talking about 10 genes instead of 2, for instance).
I have at best 1/4" soft and at best 2" hard. With a curve forward. I guess those of us with so little to show do not take photos. Not much to be proud of from surgery. Anyone have any information to pass on about botched surgery? Those with sizes closer to mine? One thing is for certain, this is a cruel condition hitting men in the worst place possible. While I maybe envious of larger parts I feel for those who must have office/surgical dilations with multiple scar tissue, fistulas and strictures. What little I have has to be stretched at the tip, about 1/4" down and another 1/8" inch from there. To the bladder thank God there re no obstructions. My biggest problem is not going to a Urologist and dilating myself. And even then, trying to go as long as possible between dilations to have whatever can be a normal life without so much focus on the penis and urine flow. In my case, every erection spells demise for closure and tightening of the urethra. Even more with sexual relations....it has been over 10 years since that was even a reality.
You mentioned infection. Do you mean bladder/urethral infection? I have had a lot of those. I suppose it is due to the whole hypo thing, but I haven't heard it mentioned a lot in this group. Is it common? Can anyone tell me? Oh yeah, dilations. Did your doctor tell you to do that the rest of your life? Mine in 1985 didn't get too clear about that. He gave me a rod, and said to do it, but he didn't say how long. I quit fairly soon after surgery. My urine stream is now kinda weak, but I don't have total blockage. I should add that it hasn't gotten any weaker since I quit either. I'm not suggesting you quit, but you might want to check into it more. p.s. I remember when I took my on in for his pre-op before surgery his doc said, "Alright dad, hop up here, I think we can help you too!" He was only half kidding. He said there is a lot of stuff they can do now, but I wasn't interested in putting myself through that now.
My penis is around 2 1/2 " erect. I have never had sexual relations with a woman mainly because I know that I am unable to maintain an erection long enough to satisfy a partner and also don't want to face the rejection that would come. I don't have any problems in keeping the urethra open but do have a problem with incontinence. The several surgeries did damage that unfortunately can't be repaired. However in reading many of the messages here I realize that I am in some ways fortunate as I only occasionally have problems with infections and don't need catheterization. I have a current friend who is a nurse and I have told her pretty well what the situation is and we spend time together. She is overweight so sex with
me would be impossible, she also isn't all that interested in a sexual relationship, so we are just good friends. I masturbate and have done so for many years, as Woody Allen said: "The one good thing about it is that you never have to look your best and you don't get rejected." Just wanted to let you know that you are not alone.
I have the same problem as you do with night-time incontinence. During the day it is not severe and easily looked after but during the night it is a major problem. The thing is it isn't predictable: sometimes I can go for a week or more and then a major accident. I now take precautions every night so that at least if I have a problem it can be managed. I have to travel a fair amount so it can be a problem when staying in hotels or even worse with friends. I also used to get depressed about it. I talked it over with my Urologist who helped me put it in perspective, he said that part of the problem was that bedwetting was ingrained in our minds as something that only children do and therefore we feel that that we are not adult. It also doesn't help that it is the point of jokes and is discussed in a degrading way. According to him it is a lot more common than supposed and it is a medical condition like any other and nothing to be embarrassed or depressed about; when I thought about it I realized he was right.
You are by no means the only guy who ever walked out of a men's room with a wet spot (or more) on your pants! It happens more to us, I think because of the type and quality of our stream. We can live with that! Imagine, please, the guys who can not stand to pee at all...they have a problem far worse than ours! I would also like to suggest something to you...I found that sort of "pinching" my cock during urination in different ways has helped me to become somewhat more proficient at hitting the bowl, and not my pants, the floor, and the rest of the bathroom. I still have to "wipe up" all around the john often when I am done peeing. I can live with it, bud and so can you. The emotional crap that we carry around
makes us "heavy" enough with trash to let a little pee decrease our feelings of self esteem and well being.
I have the same problem and as my penis is very short it is impossible to use urinals so I have to use a stall. When I was younger I used to stand at the urinal until someone came in and then just zip up and let them think I had been using it. Now I really don't care, if all someone has is to worry about how and where I pee well as the saying goes they should get a life. I have found that as I have grown older I have been able to accept things more. It is very hard for a young man as everything is so focused on appearance, and sexual performance and there isn't any support groups for them to contact regarding hypospadias. I know I have never even heard of it mentioned in any way in the media or even books and articles on sexuality. I know here that the schools have a pro-active policy on sexual orientation and will help students to accept their identity, I have never however heard of any support or counseling for those with hypospadias. As if the problems we have aren't enough there is the emotional baggage that goes with it. I think what comes across in this group is that we all have learned to adapt and become stronger men for it.